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One man`s trash is another man`s profile picture.
My mind is exceptionally quiet.... I am suspicious that I am up to something I don`t want myself to know about.
I wish I had Shazam for faces...
If you don`t put your leftovers in Tupperware for like at least two weeks before throwing it in the trash... you`re doing it wrong.
I hate when I spend the extra money to buy organic vegetables only to get home and find out that I bought regular donuts.
If you`re in your car, go ahead and pick your nose, because the car makes you invisible.
If I pat you on the back, there`s a 99% chance that I`m only using you as a napkin
My resume is basically just a list of things I hate to do.
I have a moderate amount of skills in life, but one of those things does NOT include the ability to stop eating.
North Korea no!, really, go home! now you are really drunk!
I hate when I accidentally eat everything in sight.
If I had a jet pack I would look AWESOME dying within the first 2 minutes of having a jet pack.
I still sing my ABC’s to see which letter comes first.
"..all the king`s horses & all the king`s men couldn`t get Humpty together again" ... What guy thought horses might figure it out?
I bet all those girls that ignored me in high school would still be pretty pleased with that decision.