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Life is too short to be kissing the wrong a$$.
Billy Ray Cyrus made a million dollars at a playgirl photo shoot. He just started taking his clothes off and they paid him to put them back on.
Would a transformer buy life insurance or car insurance?
Bought some cheese at one of those fancy cheese shops today. It was legend dairy...
Let`s go to my place and do the things I`ll tell everyone we did anyway.
I`m a Leader not a follower. Unless it`s a dark place...then you`re going first!
Sometimes I meow back at cats.
Ever notice that all the instruments searching for intelligent life are pointed away from earth?
Okay, I can`t take it anymore. What in the hell holds the blocks up in Mario Brothers?
If you need time alone, announce that it`s time to clean the house.
Grant me the courage to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I cannot, and a big-a$$ed pitcher of margaritas as “Plan B”
My boyfriend is being so nice to me since I showed him how easy it was to remove blood from carpeting...
If you see me laughing like a crazy person, think nothing of it ..it`s just the voices in my head telling me jokes!
Government Shutdown: Day Three Jellystone Park still closed. Still no pic-a-nic baskets. Yogi stares at Boo-Boo... Boo-Boo looks tasty.
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain why I fell asleep on the kitchen counter… naked… again.