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Testing.. Testing.. This is a test. If this were an actual ploy for attention.. I would`ve said "bacon" or "boobies."
What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?
Kids may be a gift, but I like playing with the box it came in.
"5 React 2 Gum-- Experiences may vary. Stimulate your senses!"-- Same effect as LSD, but chewier.
I`m really easy to get along with, once people learn to worship me.
If I had a cooking show, it would be called “Do You Smell Something Burning?”
When I win the lottery, the first thing I`m going to buy is a pot to piss in. I`ve always wanted one of those.
yelling at the referee that he made a mistake has never worked, No Referee has never turned around and said, "Why yes your are right silly me I did make a mistake, penalty denied, goal kick"
Is it just me or is waking up at 3am and trying to read a text message like looking directly into the sun?
Apparently my socks never remember “The Buddy System” whenever I wash them.
It’s a good job Apple isn’t in charge of New Year. We’d all be expecting 2015 and get 2014S instead.
The difference between a straight girl and a lesbian is about four or five drinks.
Holiday cards, when you care enough to let friends, family, customers & clients see how your handwriting hasn`t improved since fourth grade.
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A great friend will be handcuffed next to you saying that was fun
Friending someone on Facebook and complaining about what they post is like phoning someone to tell them you don’t want to talk to them.