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New day, same old bullsh!t
I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I`d probably pick living.
I love it when I Google something I should know the answer to and find out 308 people are just as dumb as I am.
It would be cool if you heard a thunder bug a few seconds after you saw a lightning bug.
That moment when I try and be helpful to a blind man getting off the bus by saying, "watch your step"
I`m sorry, all I hear is your perfume
A bachelor party is a lot more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.
How do you get in touch with the models in the pictures that come with the frame? I have an out of control, elaborate lie I need help with.
HR have advised that Iām not allowed to ask my chubby co-workers if they ate my missing stapler.
The number of red lights you will hit while driving are directly proportional to how bad you have to pee.
Today I think I`ll send out texts saying "Hey, I got a new phone and lost your number. Can I have it again?" ...JUST to see how many responses I will get. ;)
You sure do seem to know a lot about love and relationships for someone who spends 22 hours a day on Facebook.
I may not be the only egomaniac around here, but Iām the only one that matters.
I have a confession to make... "I want to get back with my ex"...LOL Just Kidding..."I`d rather shit in my hands and clap !"