Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
it`s not that I`m bad at remembering names, I`m just awesome at forgetting them.
Tip: When you’re not famous, people don’t let you pay for things with an autographed napkin.
I took a poll recently, and 100% of strippers were angry they had nothing to dance on.
That annoying feeling when you finally downloaded the movie you wanted to watch and BOOM!... It`s in French. #F**kYouFrance
I swear my bed just whispered "Please Don`t go."
Saying I have a drinking problem is like saying Bruce Lee had a kung fu problem, it`s not a problem if you`re good at it.
If I`m guilty of anything, it`s loving too much. And several outstanding speeding tickets. But mostly loving too much.
It`s always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I`m always like, "I love you," and they`re like, "Thank you for choosing Pizza Hut."
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain
Drunk is when you feel sophisticated…but can’t pronounce it.
If I were a pilot I would scream “WE’RE GOING DOWN” every time I landed the plane.
People in glass houses can throw whatever they want. They live in a glass house, I`m not expecting them to be practical
My husband`s wife is freakin` awesome!
I don`t go on Facebook much so Dave, if you`re seeing this, thanks for the invite to your 2007 New Year`s party, hope you had fun dude.
If I’m ever murdered, I have no doubt that my chalk outline would include my phone in my hand.