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I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
Tire rotation? Nice try, mechanic! I rotated my tires like a thousand times on the drive over here.
I`ll bet the guy who invented the snooze button never invented anything else.
I saw a girl being irresponsible texting while driving and it really ticked me off.....So I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her.
Technically, I don`t have to do anything until my wife wakes up and realizes I`m not doing anything.
I use awkward numerical range description anywhere between 13 and 4 times a day.
I bought my Ex a chair ... But the state won`t let me plug it in.
I`ve probably spent a solid year of my life just staring into the refrigerator
Sometimes I let the words in my mind come out of my mouth. And it feels awesome! B)
I eat bananas with a fork, so I don`t look gay.
I ruined my health by drinking to everyone else’s.
Applebees is a word that starts off pretty tame but takes a dangerous twist
Sex Ed should require them to listen to a crying baby for 5 hours, and to watch the same episode of a cartoon over and over again.
What is it about being blind that makes people want to walk their dog all the time?
As far as distractions go ... I like to think I`m a good one.