Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Lady at my gym is pedaling a stationary bike while eating chips right out of the bag. I`m hiring her as my personal trainer.
My wife is amazing in bed. She can fall asleep immediately no matter how loud the TV is on.
If I didn`t procrastinate, I probably wouldn`t do anything at all.
I am addicted to Cold Turkey. Not sure how I will ever quit that one.
As I slide down this bannister we call life, you, and you alone, are the splinter in my ass
I noticed you`re not yourself today. I really like it.
If you’re gonna keep being so attractive, I’m gonna need you to make out with me.
From now on, I will be replacing the word `sh*t` with `sugar` in my facebook statuses, so that I don`t come across as being so f*cking vulgar all the time.
I received an email from a hacker that had accessed my bank account. It simply read, "LOL".
The difference between a straight girl and a lesbian is about four or five drinks.
So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn`t for throwing at people who stress you out?
On one issue, at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women.
morning i hate girls evening i need girls
Politeness has become so rare, that some people mistake it for flirting.
I love in horror movies how the person yells out "hello?!" as if the killer is gonna say "yeah I´m in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"