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I would like to think that I`ll die heroic death saving someone`s life but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my shoelaces and choke on a spoonful of Nutella.
that awkard moment when someone`s laugh is actually funnier than the joke
Surgery beds are basically cutting boards for humans.
It’s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
Yes, milk from cows tastes nice. But to the person that first found that out...you have issues bro
Why do people say “nice to meet you” before I’ve even said anything? How do you know it’s nice to meet me? I’m a jerk.
I have no time for stupid people But they sure seem to have time for me.
Only a few years ago, the average parents had four children. Nowadays, the average child has four parents.
Here`s a joke for all you mind readers...
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it`s that everyone speaks English after they die.
I don`t take steroids because I never want to look like I`m capable of helping my friends move.
Sometimes I can`t figure out if I`m in pre-school... high school.. oh wait, I`m at work.
If the breakfast club took place now, all those kids would just be silently texting about their sh!tty Saturday & never make friends w/ each other.
When someone wants to talk behind your back, FART!
NO, I didn’t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.