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Based on the sound of her walking.. My upstairs neighbor seems like the kind of woman that starts sentences with; "Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum.".. O_o
The face jewelry is getting out of hand. I saw a guy today that looked like he had done a face plant in a tackle box.
If I could turn invisible I’d go to Paris and beat up a performing street mime… The amount of applause he’d get would be amazing!
is on a Mission. The magic leprechaun told me to follow the pink racehorse to the rainbow where the orange elephant is holding my skittles hostage
Not to cause a panic but i`m starting to think we`re running out of things to stuff inside pizza crust.
I don`t regret burning bridges. I regret that some people weren`t on those bridges when I burned them.
More tattoo artists really just need to say "No, I`m not doing that."
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
“Should I add more liquor?” is the most ridiculous question I’ve ever been asked.
I wish more events in life involved dumping a cooler full of Gatorade on people.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others. The rest of us have to be the others.
I think I really have an amazing butt, every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say,"what an a$$.."
Good friends do not let you do stupid things….. alone :)
Once my ex knocked on my door & then shouted that it was her, so I texted “im not home” then seconds later I texted “if u happen to be here”
We welcome the Christmas season at my house by putting out more towels that I am not allowed to touch