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My doctor told me to start watching what I eat. What channel is the Pizza Network on?
Remember kids, the Toys R Us bankruptcy and liquidation teaches us that poor spelling and grammar will always catch up with you eventually.
Fun Fact: Even though they call it a "man hole", you can shove women and children down it just fine.
I believe in looking out for number one. Especially if the dog is not house trained.
The only thing I understand about Algebra: I look at my X and I wonder Y
I hate sharing popcorn with someone at the cinema and our fingers touch. Especially if I don`t know them, and they don`t know we`re sharing.
My favorite iOS7 feature is how it distracts me from the fact that I`m wasting my life poking a glass screen.
I hope I can still remember the dance to Thriller when I become a Zombie.
I don`t know about you....but I have thought about running away from home way more as an adult than I ever did as a kid.
I just found out my smoke detector comes with a warranty. WHAT FOR? If it don`t work, what`s left?
Is it bad when Iām talking to myself and Iām not even listening?
The first 30 years of childhood are always the hardest.
A company has announced a new service where you carpool with strangers. It`s a new cutting-edge technology called "taking the bus."
After socializing and being nice to people all day it`s nice to sit down, drink by myself, and be an a$$hole on the Internet.
So there`s a t.v. show called, It`s Me or the Dog?.. I was disappointed to find out its not a game show where people guess who farted