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No matter how many lasagna’s you stack on top of each other, ultimately it’s always just one lasagna
The downside to posting jokes all the time is that if I posted "Help, I am in an Iranian prison" everyone would be like "haha good one"
Falling in love is like watching a sexy person eat hot, crispy bacon and wanting to eat some, too. Marriage is like listening to them chew.
If you’re getting dirty looks because your baby is crying loudly on a plane, start crying even louder and everyone will avoid eye contact
Studies show that people with high sex drives also tend to be very forgetful. Did I tell you guys that already?
That feeling you get when you meet someone named dick....
Therapy has taught me that it is all your fault.
I haven`t lost all of my marbles but there is definitely a hole in the bag.
The best curve on a woman is her smile :) ...Hahahaha lmao! No I`m kidding, it`s her boobs.
I went outside once. The graphics were amazing but the gameplay and storyline were TERRIBLE.
I don`t think I can call myself an adult until I can accept the fact that "dry clean only" is not a dare.
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to "grow up," I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
It should really be called teethpaste.
I mostly use Facebook to remember why I stopped hanging out with certain people.
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss