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I would watch NASCAR if hot wheels designed the tracks.
Pretty considerate of germs to count all the way to five before jumping on the food we drop.
The best part about having an old VW is driving down the road and watching people punch the sh!t out of each other.
I watched my first silent movie the other day. The kids weren`t there.
Women seem to want security. At least that`s what they yell whenever I approach them.
There’s really no reason to repeat yourself. I ignored you just fine the first time.
The early bird gets the worm. But the rest of the birds can get McGriddles until 10:30.
I`m so pissed right now! I`m about to open a can of... Wait…WTF??!! Since when did they start putting child-proof lids on the cans of whoop-ass? A little help please...
That awkward moment when you tell your parents something funny, but it turns into a life lesson.
The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
I`m in my 30`s, but I still feel like I`m in my 20`s until I hang out with people in their 20`s and I`m like, "nope, I`m in my 30`s"
Dear Life, Please, use a Lubricant.
A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken.
Two things that most people want. 1. Lose weight 2. Eat
Sleep is just a symptom of caffeine deprivation.