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If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick: My girlfriend.
A handshake means something completely different to a cannibal.
There`s never been a lazier group of people than the ones that settled on naming a candy bar "Whatchamacallit."
Honestly, it`s not the way I look that reveals my age. It`s my use of complete sentences, proper grammar and spelling when I text.
I never tell god how big my problems ,,, I tell my problems how big my god is
Today I found a penny. It reminded me of you. Worthless & found in everybody`s pants.
"Open Mike Night" sounded like a lot of fun until I realised I`d been invited to an autopsy.
I love nostalgia. Not sure what it means, but it reminds me of magical words from my childhood.
I hate when people post lyrics from songs, but I will survive.
Just did a weeks worth of cardio after walking into a spider`s web.
Acting like a mature adult is super easy if you hate having fun.
I`m always on the verge of running three miles, or drinking a bottle of Vodka
Politicians are people who have too little an amount of morals and ethics to remain lawyers.
God knew that there would be times that a single middle finger wouldn`t be enough.
I`m no cactus expert, but I know a pr!ck when I see one