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If anyone every texts me "who is this" I always respond "Jake from State Farm"
Business Plan: 1. Hold sign that says "Free Hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
I don`t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
My age is very inappropriate for my behavior.
I`ll never understand why single women waste so much time on dating websites when there are so many eligible bachelors right here in this adult bookstore.
He turned to her, ran his hand up her thigh, across her belly and down her legs. When he turned back to watch TV, she asked "Why stop?" "I found the remote!" he replied.
Before having any kids make sure you’re done sleeping and doing things you like to do.
when is humpty dumpty going to hatch?
Somehow the talk went a little wrong with my 7 year old and now he`s convinced that birds have sex with bees and now he won`t eat honey.
Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we`re married & live together so I`d have to see them every day.
Are headaches the result of time spent with woman or is it purely a coincidence?
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate, but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
I don`t need your advice. I do a great job of screwing up my life all by myself, thank you!
If you want to bribe me food and beer works.
Its so cold outside I might even post about it on Facebook