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cable TV.... helping us avoid Presidential speeches for nearly four decades
Pepsi and Coke can`t even be in the same restaurant together and society wants us all to get along. Pffftt.
It`s amazing how much people are willing to lower their eating standards when you insert the word "free" in front of the word "food".
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
Neat, your girlfriend is made out of the same stuff as your air guitar!
My boss told me to have a good day so I went home.
Just farted in 3 different languages! Thanks, Rosetta Stone!
I saw a girl being irresponsible texting while driving and it really ticked me off.....So I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her.
That awkward moment when you gently toss your phone on the bed and it bounces off 3 walls, breaks 2 lamps and kills a cat...
Why is it that flies can get in your car so easy, but can`t figure out how to escape with all the windows down.
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
Plot twist: name your pets after passwords.
I`d take a stupid dog over a stupid person any day.
Apparently, saying “Wow, you’ve grown since I last saw you” isn’t deemed socially acceptable when said to adults.
GOOGLE must be a woman because it knows everything.