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I clean my house like everyone else ... 5 minutes before someone comes over.
I`m a wealth of knowledge ... Unless you want it to be true, then I`m pretty solid on about 6 topics ... 2 of those might just be Doritos flavors
We all have that funny voice we use when talking to dogs, babies... and idiots!
I saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons earlier.....must be going through a tough period in her life....
Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom`s wise words: "Don`t pick that up!! You don`t know where it`s been!!"
I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. But giving payment when payment is due is an entirely different thing.
Traffic jams are more tolerable if you just think of them as really boring parades.
Just once would I like to see the "Phone a Friend" lifeline on Millionaire go straight to voicemail.
This might be my ego talking, but I feel my weight-loss spambot followers care about me. They really, really, do.
During a test..people look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information
I have decided to stop exercising and just learn Photoshop.
If you have no internet history you silently admit wrong doing.
You know you`ve reached adulthood when your bed is in the middle of the wall instead of in the corner.
I called McDonald`s to make a reservation for Valentine`s Day, just to listen to the stammering and confusion from the kid answering the phone.
I test drove a car last month. Apparently, you`re not supposed to keep the car for a month. At least that what this cop is telling me.