Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. "Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you."
You can`t fight Destiny. Because if you try to fight Destiny, then you have to fight the bouncers and the rest of the strippers too...
I`d love to have a sex change. Preferably from `none` to `absolutely sh!tloads`.
I ate gummy bears and didn`t bite off their heads or make screaming noises as they entered my mouth and I think this means I`m an adult now.
When does paying taxes get shut down? Asking for everyone with a job.
Guys that try to pick up girls on facebook are pathetic. Girls if you agree, message me your number so we can talk about it.
These spaghetti-o`s taste like I don`t get paid until tomorrow.
Magic words that make my children disappear: 1) Bath time. 2) Who did this?!?! 3) When I was your age...
North West: Daddy what were you famous for? Kanye: rapping. North West: Mommy what were you famous for? ((awkward silence))
According to my current parking spot, I`m Chief of Police.
She heard me call her a bitch so now I have 100 problems.
Running away doesn`t help your problems, unless you`re fat. Then yeah, run away.
It`s not you, it`s me. I can`t stand you.
If only there was a way to voice a highly uneducated opinion to thousands of people on a regular basis