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"I don`t know what the f*ck this tastes like." - first person to eat chicken.
I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo
Once and for all, I agree to ALL "the terms and conditions" that have or will ever exist!
Girls don`t dress for guys, they dress for themselves. If they dressed for guys they would be naked all the time
My cat probably thinks I`m cleaning my ice cream...
Limbo champion walks into a bar...he`s disqualified.
Dear New Years Resolutions People; You don`t have to wait for the New Year to get your sh*t together and become a better person.
Just used the holiday card with your kid`s face on it to scoop up a dog turd in the living room.
BEFORE I GET DRUNK, NAKED,THROWN IN JAIL AND LOOSE MY DAMN PHONE. *HAPPY NEW YEAR.
is pondering why people have a favorite color M&M when they all taste the same!
Must be nice to get married and finally know who the number one suspect in your murder case will be
It is possible to stay in your room all day and be perfectly happy.
What’s a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
If I was on drugs, this post would be amazing.
What was that idiot thinking when he invented white underwear?