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Not sure how coffee got its own table in the living room, but kudos.
Today I discovered that two wrongs definitely don`t make a right. Tomorrow I`m going to try three.
The olympics is the only time when you hear "Great execution by North Korea" and it seems okay.
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
You know what’s huge in Japan? ..Sumo wrestlers. ;)
is in that awkward phase of the day between never drinking again and noon.
I love buying a $1 burger and getting $2 worth of mayo...
In a parallel universe calories are trying to burn people.
my boss told me to start the presentation with a joke,so I showed my payslip.
$100 for a dozen red what?! That`s a lot of money for a plant you can’t smoke.
99 Days Facebook Free? Big deal! In 1999 I went a whole year without Facebook.
Whenever I see a celebrity photobomb, I`m like, that`s so relatable. I too constantly ruin moments and think I`m more fun than I actually am
Kinda hard to believe not a single mutant at professor Xavier’s school had the power to heal a dude’s legs.
I would love to kill you with kindness, but all I have is this knife.
When there is nothing to do ... That`s what I do