Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You look happy. Let me see what I can do about that. - Life.
I can`t tell them apart, was that Milli or Vanilli doing the sign language at Madela`s funeral?
Opposites attract, that’s the trouble with being awesome.
Cooking Tip: If you`re tired of always having to boil water everytime you make pasta, boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later ... you`re welcome!
Turns out I`m ambidextrous at yet another sport! And I even scored a bingo twice. Left-handed!
What are nuts on a wall? Walnuts. What are nuts on the chest? Chestnuts. What are nuts against a chin? Blow job.
I`m not drunk ... But I`m working on it.
I think I`ve finally found someone I could spend the rest of my life with, I should probably get out of her closet and introduce myself.
The police want to interview me. Strange, I didn`t even apply for a job there.
I don`t need an excuse to drink, but thank you for giving me one.
You never know how little self control you have until they put chips and salsa in front of you at a Mexican restaurant.
It`s damn funny when a wife think`s she`s punishing her husband by not talking to him for days..
Roses are red, so is my wine. Refill my glass and I`ll be just fine.
Don`t wait until you`re on your deathbed to tell people how you really feel because you could be too weak to raise your middle finger.
News flash! someone just found Carmon Sandiego!