Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Ok but how old is your child in minutes?
I don`t believe women belong in the kitchen... because men are better at that too
Apparently, the answer "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed
You can`t fix stupid but you can divorce it
I`m gonna open a bar and name it Rehab.....
How to make a Vodka Christmas cake. . (Made mine this morning!!!!) 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1......bottle Vodka, 2 cups dried fruit. Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again to be... sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to
Fun Fact: Even though they call it a "man hole", you can shove women and children down it just fine.
I like my coffee like I like my women, hot and a lot of alcohol in them
I hate it when you can’t find your phone because you left it someplace stupid like in the car or your non-dominant hand.
Nice try "Private Caller", but I wont`t answer even if I know you.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Burned almost a thousand calories with the elliptical machine today. Moved it into the basement, that thing is heavy!
My ex has had a really hard time moving on. From what I can tell through his blinds, he is currently eating (something we always did)
The Ex is bringing my kids back home. Time to strategically place the panties I bought from Victoria`s secret around the house.
Do you ever just look at someone and think "Wow, let me take off your pants."