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You Are The Reason My Middle Finger Was Created.
I have a fold up treadmill under my fold up bed, so by the time I get the treadmill set up, I`m like "That`s enough exercise for today"
Not to brag or anything, but I got the high score on my scale today.
The trick is to not let people know how weird you really are until its too late for em to back out
How many different animals did we have to jump on the backs of before we discovered horses were cool with it?
I don`t speak Spanish, but I`m pretty sure "Dora" means "annoying"
I hate it when someone starts to tell me something, then says "Never Mind".
I’d drink a lot less alcohol if a lot less alcohol got me drunk.
Instead of ‘gay friends’ can we say homiesexuals
There is no one more trustworthy than Clark Kent`s dry cleaner.
Dishes are like boyfriends. My roommate should really stop doing mine
Good neighbors do not put password on their wi-fi.
I don’t necessarily believe in karma, but I’m gonna be extra careful crossing the street after this weekend.
I love Ebay. Sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month.
~WARNING~ I will more than likely offend you at some point in time