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If you take Viagra with iron supplements it will cause you spin around and point North.
When your mother asks you if you`re sexually active, the correct response is: "No, I just lie there."
"There`s nothing sexier than a chick that knows how to work on cars" -Dudes, trying to get us to do that job too.
"Good for you!" means, "I do not consider you a threat" in woman-speak.
Missed Connection: You were standing at the RedBox. I was in my car self pleasuring. I accidentally honked like 8 times.
Laugh now because when I die, I`m coming back to haunt you.
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
I hate waiting in lines. I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
If jail isn`t supposed to be fun, why do they get bunk beds?
I bet it’s pretty hard at a mime’s funeral to figure out when the moment of silence is over.
I don’t mind going to work. It’s that eight-hour wait to go home that bugs me.
"With a stroke of a pen your name can live on forever in a quote!... Unknown,
I accidentally did yoga once when I couldn`t reach the toilet paper.
I don`t own a thesaurus, is `cock meat` a synonym for `fried chicken`?
I`m glad I don`t work in an office. I can only imagine the smell at lunch time when everybody opens their egg salad sandwiches today.