Daily Silly Status

When listening to skinny girls talk about losing weight it`s perfectly reasonable to battle cry then karate chop their tiny stomach`s.

After listening to what some people have to say, I am rethinking the importance this whole freedom of speech thing.

There`s no point in using a big word, when an infinitesimally diminutive one will do.

What idiot named it a mugshot instead of a cellfie?

If those Febreeze commercials with rooms filled with stinking, rotting garbage convince you to buy their product. Here`s a heads up for you........ You need to clean your freaking house!!!

Go ahead, judge me. Wait, let me get my bat first. Alright, I`m ready now.

Just saw a guy driving while eating ice cream. F*cking sundae drivers.

Oh, a spider just landed on my desk... In other news,,, When startled, I can jump 5 feet in the air with just the power of my ass cheeks.

Secret Web Cam Test: Please nod your head yes if you can read this.

Your parents taught you to wash your hands after you pee. My parents taught me not to pee on my hands in the first place.

My doctor said I need to drink more water every day, so I have started putting ice cubes in my vodka.

I hate to call it "one night stands"... I prefer the term "auditions"

The only people without problems are in the cemetery.

I’m trisexual, as in, I’ll try to have sex with you.

First rule of Pizza club, you don’t share it.