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Neighbor just yelled at me for playing in his sprinkler. Note to self, I should wear clothes next time.
I like people. I just don`t want them talking to me. Or breathing near me. Or making me look up from my phone.
No matter how old you are ... swingsets are cool.
Nothing says “I don’t take you seriously” like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
I forgot to pay my bill to the exorcist and so I got re-possesed.
I just apologized to my wife for something she did wrong. Marriage is fun.
had a great time horseback riding today but then I ran out of quarters
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t.
They call them heated seats because rear defroster was already taken
Dear Car driving 40mph on the highway this morning. It`s only a 1/4“ of snow plus you have a "Jesus Fish" on your bumper. You`ll be just fine.
Those raccoons must of had one heck of a party last night!!!! That`s the 4th one I`ve seen passed out on this road
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store clerk asked to come back soon?
Your pants say yoga but your a$$ says McDonalds!!
The problem with coffee is trying to make it when you haven`t had any yet.
I love watching women`s beach volleyball. There have been two wrist injuries so far, but I should be ok by next week.