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Note to self: It`s time to grow up, be responsible, and act like an adult. Self to Note: Shut the f*ck up.
Whenever I lock a car up I always press the button twice in a row to let all nearby thieves know that I mean business.
You look over-medicated. What`s your doctor`s name?
The guy below me obviously has never seen R2-D2.
if your an astronaut, and you don`t end a relationship with "look, I just need space.." then your wasting everyones time
I need professional help. A chef and a butler should do it.
If you didn`t want to be hit with a shovel then you never should have started telling me about your problems.
These animal crackers are crap, this elephant tastes exactly like that giraffe did.
I`m leaving my body to science fiction
You know you`re an alcoholic when the only Holiday cards that you get are from your neighborhood pubs.
If steroids are illegal for athletes shouldn`t photoshop be illegal for models?
I don`t care how loud I`m laughing, I`m having fun and you`re not.
Write me your opinions on this extra soft paper and leave it next to my toilet.
First you told me to be myself now you`re telling to me not be an idiot. Make up your mind woman!
I just did a weeks worth of cardio after I walked into a spider`s web.