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If a man speaks at sea where no women can hear, is he still wrong?
I`m just here until I can make day drinking a full time job
My advice for pretty much anything that`s broken is "did you try and jiggle it?".
My secret ingredient is letting somebody else cook.
I feel like water solves all problems. Wanna lose weight? drink water .. clear face ? Drink water.. Tired of your better half? Drown them
I always give my extra money to Charity. She is usually on the main stage around 11pm.
I know how to wink my eye in like twelve different languages.
PRO TIP: If you walk around the mall hitting kids in the face with the shopping bags, your wife won`t make you carry them.
If you`re behind someone at the ATM late at night, let them know you`re not a threat by giving them a gentle kiss on their neck.
Accidentally missed the freeway exit for home, now I`m heading north to start a new life.
Happy Fathers Day from your handsomerist and smarterist son
NASA has confirmed that December 21, late afternoon, the sky will be very dark. It is an interesting phenomenon called "night".
On a scale from 1 to 10 how likely is it that your dumbass will say 11?
Serving sarcasm with a smile since 1984.
I`m going to the gym now. Not bragging. Just want you to know where to send the ambulance.