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When you`re trying to change the channel on the tv, and the remote starts ringing, you`re probably drunk.
It`s the simple things that make me laugh....mostly you.
in 2014 there were times when I annoyed you, disturbed you, irritated you and bugged the hell out of you. Today i wanna let you know that i planned to continue with it this year :-)
The only technique I`ve mastered from watching cooking shows is screaming and swearing at everyone in the kitchen.
Call me crazy, but I don`t think I really need to be in this mental institution.
Guys write songs about girls they love. Girls write songs about guys they have broken up with
Theirye’re, problem solved.
If all the worlds a stage and the men and women merely players, how come Justin Bieber gets all the airtime?
The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase Regards again.
If all men are created equal then why are there midgets?
Sorry I said "What is it?" when you showed me your baby.
If I had a nickel for everytime I said, "If I had a nickel", I`d be rich.
I`m starting to think that Dr. Dre isn`t a real doctor after all...
Screw doing situps...teddy bears don`t and everyone loves them.
I procrastinate so much I’ll probably put off death and never die.