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I`m not sure if I actually have free time or there are things I`m forgetting to do.
Have you noticed that tire stores never hang big banners that say "Blowout Sale"?
Got kicked out of the hospital. Apparently the “head nurse” is just the one in charge of the other nurses.
If you speak too slowly, I will complete all your sentences in my mind in ways that makes your story much more interesting
I recently took up meditation. It beats sitting around doing nothing.
You can tell a lot from a woman by her hands. For instance, if they`re placed around your throat she`s probably slightly upset.
Me: *kisses her on both cheeks goodbye* Cashier: That`s really not necessary
Life before the computer: Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider’s home. A virus was the flu. A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy…you just hoped nobody found out.
This Halloween, the only Candy I`m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
If I could bring one dead person back to life I`d bring back Walk Disney. Just to show him the shows on Disney channel and see his reaction..
I`m sorry, all I hear is your perfume
Yeah I`m married, but get one thing straight,,, I do WHAT I want, WHEN I wanhjkjhgfd,, THIS IS SCOTT`S WIFE, HE HAS TO GO NOW, HE SAYS GOODNIGHT.
Does running away from your problems count as exercising? If it is, then I`m one hell of a fitness freak
"Shit ton" is my favorite unit of measurement.
I have decided to follow my dreams.....starting with that one where I am naked at work.