Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Honestly, I have no idea what the f*ck I`ll do with 5 hours of energy.
There`s a time and place for wine, In my hand and now.
How ignorant do I have to be before I start experiencing bliss?
sometimes when i`m lonely i`ll fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend that i`m a meatball
I bought a used UPS truck. It gets bad gas mileage but I can park anywhere.
I don’t like to think before I speak. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
I’m great at remembering names. I just don’t remember which one’s yours.
I’m beginning to think that I buy bananas just to watch them die a slow death in my kitchen.
My favorite drink is the fullest one on the table.
I always wince when someone tells me they’re going to hit the sack.
I`ve never watched a clown apply makeup but I imagine the process is similar to that of a Kardashian.
I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think, "I`d so tap that."
I’m totally fine with favoritism as long as I’m the favorite.
I can’t remember ever being told I’m a bad listener
Ever wish the choice you made and the “right thing to do” were the same thing?