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It`s tough being a people person when you can`t stand most people.
I love you more than I hate everyone else.
I bet aliens would visit us more if Will Smith didn`t punch them in the head as soon as they got here.
Just wrote ‘You have no new messages’ on a piece of paper, put it in a bottle and threw it far out to sea.
Most meteorologists are men. That`s why when they say we`re going to get 6-8" of snow, we only get 2 or 3.
My bank called because they noticed ‘highly suspicious activity’ on my charge account. It was for a gym membership.
"Goodbye, everyone. I`ll remember you all in therapy." -Me, leaving a family reunion.
I was being taught to use some machinery today, and I was quizzed as to the rules of it`s use. When asked what the first rule is I responded, "You do not talk about Fight Club."
If you watch Jurassic Park backwards, it`s an uplifting film about dinosaurs and people who work together to rebuild an island.
Men think us women dream of finding the perfect man when really, all we want is to eat anything without getting fat.
Your pants say yoga but your a$$ says McDonalds!!
Well, just 8 more hours of Facebook and I can go back to bed. *phew*
I don’t just act crazy, I’ll drive you there too.
The older I get the better I used to be.
Facebook ~ redefining "friendship" one booby pic at a time. ;)