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Note to self... next time my wife asks what`s on tv, don`t say dust
Mondays should start at noon.
Sorry, I`m in a hurry, lets talk while we walk... You go that way.
Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
My boss is having a colonoscopy today. I sure hope they find his head.
I`ll be drinking tell I see Leprechauns tonight.
Never judge a girl`s boob size by their jacket.
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine
One of the best uses I`ve ever found for invisible ink is when I signed my marriage license with it.
Apparently you can not demand to be strip searched.
I used to be in a band called "missing cat". You`ve probably seen our poster.
If you have no internet history you silently admit wrong doing.
Know what this salad needs? A Big Mac.
I don’t just act crazy, I’ll drive you there too.
I`ve been waiting all winter to complain about the summer heat