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The best nicknames are the ones people don`t know they have.
Nothing makes me want to leave a website more than a pop-up window saying, “Are you sure you want to leave this page?”
The only reason I liked your post was because I was trying to clean a smudge off my screen.
Have you ever woke up pissed at someone because of something they did in your dream?
If I were a cashier I`d pretend people were waiting in line to kiss me.
Today is "National Take Your Flask To Work Day." ... I just made it up. Tell the others.
i hope your life is as long and useful as this roll of toilet paper!!!
Any time you feel lonely, remember, its your fault nobody likes you.
When I die I want Charlie Sheen’s life to flash before my eyes.
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that doesn`t let you skip.
I dont need to control my anger everyone around me needs to control their habit of pissing me off!
I never fail to win at Rock, Paper, Scissors when I pick up the other person and throw them out the window.
is here. Now what are your other two wishes?
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
I recently added squats to my workouts by moving the beer into the bottom shelf of the fridge.