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I saw that! - Karma
For your anniversary, if your wife asks for something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds...don`t get her a bathroom scale. Just sayin"
I think pet shops should give a free laser pointer with every Cat purchase.
If you want your team to win a sporting event just tell me. I will root for the other team. That will guarantee a win for your team.
I`m at an age where I no longer want to marry a doctor for his money, but rather for the prescription medications he can provide.
Tip for women; All men really want is to be close to someone who will leave them the hell alone.
My job description does not include farting on everyone else`s office chairs but I still do it because INITIATIVE.
Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?
The most frustrating thing I`ve ever tried to do was throw away a trash can.
Well, all I have to say is TGIF. (Post this on any day but Friday to get comments)
No, I don`t need a Fitbit. I can count to 45 by myself.
I know 3 facts about you: 1.You can’t say ‘M’ without your lips touching. 2.You’re trying it now looking like an idiot. 3. Now you’re smiling
Hash browns not tags.
The naked truth, is always better than someone’s best dressed lie.
A girl phoned me the other day and said “Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home.