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"I woke up with morning wood. She woke up with morning wouldn`t."
If I was Neil Armstrong landing on the moon, "That`s one small step for man," would have been, "Screw you every girl who ever shot me down!"
It makes sense that animals pee on something to mark their territory. I mean if someone peed on something, most people would be like, "Eww, okay. That`s yours now."
Life was much easier when apples and blackberries were fruits&& not phones
I`m just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.
May your life one day be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
If wookies have a 400 year life span, then Han Solo is basically like Chewbacca`s third dog.
Life would be so much more interesting if we all had cartoon bubbles over our heads.
Plot twist: WebMD says you`re just thirsty
Most difficult job ever.......Working in a bubble wrap factory......Imagine the self control needed.
Sometimes, even I`m afraid of the things my mind comes up with.
9 of 10 voices in my head telI me I `m crazy. One hums ...
Santa gets all the credit and I get all the debt.
Research shows that 100% of the time when someone says “oh no she didn’t!” she most definitely did.
I`m great at balloon animals. You should see my eel, snake, and worm.