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My entire life is a “you had to be there” moment.
I`m a good singer. Unfortunately I have a bad voice.
I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don`t know whose side I`m on.
I still know what you did last summer........... cos you posted it on facebook!
I don’t understand how people have to “get ready for bed”…I’m always ready for bed.
Ever gotten that awkward feeling? ..like the one when you realize you`re chewing on a BORROWED pencil?
People are making Rapture jokes like there`s no tomorrow.....
To save time, lets just assume I am never wrong ;)
One of the things I like to say to a girl after we have sex for the first time is "Hmm, damn weird... I heard you were better."
It doesn’t matter how many signs I put up around the office, HR said high five a co-worker in the face with a shovel day isn’t a thing.
Step aside coffee, this job is going to take hard liquor.
I`m sorry if I come across as crude, outspoken, and opinionated. That`s only because I am crude, outspoken, and opinionated.
When I`m home alone and I walk into the basement, I start talking out loud about all the karate I know.
Campers: Nature`s way of feeding mosquitoes.
This status update is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you would not have been notified.