Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My 6 yo just chugged a bottle of water in 30 seconds. Now I`m fearful of her college days.
Tonight I plan on drinking until I`m someone else`s problem
How to create a weight-loss program: (1) Take a before picture. (2) Eat like a pig. (3) Take an after picture. (4) Switch the pictures.
This liquid diet crap is a scam. I`ve been drinking beer since last Tuesday and I`m still fat.
About 110,000 people contract chlamydia each month, more than signed up for Obamacare. Obamacare is less popular than chlamydia.
"Lazy" is a strong word. I prefer to call it selective participation.
Nothing tests that whole "for better or worse" thing like the question "does this look infected?"
Studies confirm that smoking withdrawal (for me) can be fatal (for you).
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the "For External Use Only" warning labels.
The worst part about being alone is I don`t have anyone to get me a beer from the fridge.
Mom: If all your friends jumped off a cliff would you do it too? Me: If all parents used that same metaphor would you use it too?
Nice meeting you, but I forgot your name as soon as you said it...
That awkward moment when u start telling a story only to realise no one is listening so you slowly fade out and pretend to have said nothing.
How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling
You actually are not the stupidest person on the planet. But if he were to die...