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To be honest, I panic a bit right before I have to pronounce Worcestershire sauce.
I just got gas for $1.79... Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.
Nothing improves creativity like a lack of supervision!
I don`t just sing in my shower, I perform.
Once your pants catch fire, the fact that you`re lying becomes less important.
There are a few people I`d like to go to bed with but I can`t think of a single person I`d like to wake up with.
I think I`m the drunkest person at this bed bath and beyond.
I met a lady named Polly once. She didn`t care for crackers, nor my sense of humor.
My parents never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
Is it just me or does the word "retweet" bring up images of Elmer Fudd commanding an army on the defensive?
When you say "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans." All I hear is "there`s a bear out there that knows how to use matches."
I just wanted to send you a quick note letting you know that you`re in my inappropriate thoughts.
Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, that chicken had to be somewhere between 7` to 10` tall.
Exercise can add years to your life. For example, I just ran 2 miles and I now feel like I`m 82.
Browsing the internet when bored is like the virtual version of checking the refrigerator...