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I wonder if "Sober Me" knows that "Drunk Me" can Breakdance?
Some people need to calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
I`m not saying I have a questionable work ethic, but I just got called lazy by a guy wearing velcro shoes.
I can`t wait to procrastinate.
I believe in looking out for number one. Especially if the dog is not house trained.
I bet when Hugh Hefner dies no one will say "He`s in a better place now."
Key to a great marriage ... Lack of imagination.
It`s only a 4 way stop if each driver can read
Now that I`m turning 40, I need to be careful about what I eat and drink and make sure I am getting my nutrients. That is why I just added pulp-free Orange Juice to my Vodka.
I`d imagine the only thing worse then getting your period is not getting your period.
Every day is a constant battle of trying to convince myself I don’t like cookies.
I bought a book called `How to become an expert at Origami`. So far, I`ve made 1000 paper snowballs.
Coca Cola: Because drinking black water seems like a solid life choice.
I`d like to thank the person who looked at a buzzing Bee-hive and thought: "Those ba$tards are hiding something delicious in there I know it."
Why be part of the problem when you can be all of it?