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I came across 3 snakes while mowing the yard today, but those of you in North America already know that because you heard me scream
Sorry I cut you off mid-sentence so I could sprint after an ice cream truck.
Before I got married I didn`t even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge
So what if Jesus turned water into wine... I turned a whole student loan into beer once. your move Jesus.
My life coach is the cashier at the liquor store.
So many feelings today. Mostly hunger.
Remember, laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have diarrea.
Don`t worry about the grass on the other side. It`s not your grass.
Guacamole is my favorite food that looks like someone already ate it.
People must stop questioning my sanity, it wont answer them.
Bike helmets only protect you from looking cool.
Agreeing to disagree is lame. Let’s agree to take turns slapping each other until one of us admits we were wrong.
I listen to all of of the voices in my head...except the one named Reason. He makes NO sense to me.
I would be a terrible stalker because A) I`m not motivated enough B) You would always hear the rattle of peanut m&ms behind you.
Ever wonder if we`re just a reality TV show for a more intelligent species?