Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
They told me to come here and write something funny, so I`m gonna post my bank account balance: -$4.09
Shout out to Pringles for never giving us a half can of air.
Forgot to make resolutions? Just write out everything you did New Years Eve and at the beginning add the word "stop."
Running feels great unless you compare it to not running
Doctors who expect me to pee on command, I`m not some kind of stunt pee-er, you know.
Who has time to monitor followers/unfollowers? I can barely keep track of my kids and I only have 1 of those ... Wait ... Two. I have 2 kids.
You know your a$s is ugly when you`re the one always asked to take the photo.
Always finish your beer. There`s sober kids in Africa.
Guy test! find the nearest guy by you and repeat to him the following slowly: Door knob, Titanic, Gluestick, Kiwi, Opra Winfey, Shovel, Boobs, Remote, Battery, Furby, Glowstick, Beer, & Xbox. NOW ask him what he remembers before "Boobs"
North Korea no!, really, go home! now you are really drunk!
Let`s be honest. The only reason you listen to your voice-mail messages is to make the stupid icon disappear
Facebook becomes 100 times more entertaining when you have work to do.
It`s funny how this guy grating cheese over my pasta thinks I`m going to say stop.
You know why it`s called almond milk? Cuz you can`t say nut juice with a straight face
My friend David had his ID stolen yesterday. We just call him Dav now