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I have a condition that prevents me from going on a diet ... I get hungry.
What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg.
I`m one more bottle of wine away from starting a blog.
I know you`re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night?
The generation of today are so allergic to everything, future wars will be fought by throwing bags of peanuts and cat hair at each other.
The people naming dinosaurs should teach the people naming hurricanes how to name stuff.
All`s not lost my Friends. It won`t be long til people realize Selfie Sticks also make wonderful lightning rods......
I`ve found the most effective way to get an attractive guy to fall for me is by simply using my charm... and then a stun gun.
If you feel like you’re about to punch someone, take a deep breath. Then exhale as you punch to get more power.
My car is equipped with the best anti-theft device. I call it "No air conditioning".
The most exercise I get from my exercise ball is when I move it around in my apartment so that it`s not in my way.
Does `virgin wool` come from sheep the shepherd hasn`t caught yet? ..just asking
Avoid hangovers: stay drunk ;)
The weather is so nice. I think I’ll go outside and watch other people run.
My ice bucket challenge: 1. Buy bucket 2. Add ice 3. Add 12 beers 4. Sign into FB and drink