Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Does anyone know where the off switch on a child is? I can’t seem to find it.
To understand paranoid people better, follow them around
After years of commercials, I still have no idea what a Go Daddy is
E-Cigs. The great taste of water vapor, the cool look of blowing a flashlight.
Alcohol free beer is like ... orgasm free sex
People who don’t understand sarcasm are awesome.
Just found a shopping list in this cart that said, "Beer, wine, crap like that", so apparently my soulmate is still out there.
I’m eating just in case I get hungry later
I don`t think its a coincidence that "Sober" and "So bored" sound very much alike
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on again?
It never ceases to amaze me that the little space between the driver’s seat and the center console in my car will fit any object that can possibly be dropped, but will not fit a hand.
Once you get past my charm, good looks, intelligence and my sense of humor, I think it’s my modesty that stands out.
3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population.
"Wow! That butterfly`s gonna be HUGE!" - First person to find a mummy
Not everyone understands my laundry method. It`s simple. If it`s clean, it`s on the floor. If it`s dirty, it`s on the floor over there.