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The problem with trouble is that it always starts out as fun.
If I share my food with you, its either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don`t want it.
I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.
You`re never too old to throw random sh*t in people`s shopping carts when they aren`t looking.
There are two ways to go about arguing with a woman and neither one works.
Ladies, don`t say that men never listen... We can tell you every word of what was said during an NFL pregame or in-game broadcast.
My 12 step program means parking closer to the bar.
Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they say "to boldly go where no one has gone before", when they get there, they always meet someone?
What do people mean "get ready for bed"? I am ALWAYS ready for bed.
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the “For External Use Only” warning labels.
Based on commercials, every single car has won car of the year.
Might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery, the odds are about the same
Picking up someone at a bar when you`re drunk, is like going to the grocery store hungry... You end up taking home crap you didn`t want
You know you can`t say "happiness" without saying "p*nis"
I`ve dieted and worked out enough to realize that the only way I`m getting smokin` hot is by getting cremated.