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Sorry I stopped listening to your story when it wasn’t about me
Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous but when I tap on the window at night dressed as a clown it’s all panic and screaming.
Cashiers are always checking me out.
Sometimes I wish I could appear offline in real life too
I never thought I`d be one of those people that hit the gym early in the morning ... I was right!
Your gene pool should be drained, the area bleached & the ground burned & salted. But other than that you seem like a great person.
Some people are just bad news!!! Those are my favorite!
I`m sorry, I live in the U.S. so I don`t really get the metric system. How much exactly is "in moderation"?
How can there be more horses asses than there are horses?
You know you are in trouble when your mom screams your whole name.
Don`t call me names, you don`t know enough words to describe me
I always have a note in my pocket that says "john did it" just in case I`m murdered because I don`t want him to remarry
Now if you’ll excuse me, tonight’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.
ATM`s need to have breathalyzers.
The Spanish version of the Subway jingle “65.63 Peso 0.3 meter largo” isn’t quite as catchy…