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They say love is more important than money. I`d like to see them go and try to pay their bills with a hug.
Never judge a whiskey by its drinker.
I handle stress the way cats bathe in water.
I assume people with dark tinted windows pick their nose more aggressively than the rest of us.
Can I have a free unlimited day trial of being attractive?
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
I already want to take a nap tomorrow.
Talk to me long enough and you`ll realize why I`m single.
I was planning on doing something today, but I haven`t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
I don`t wanna be told what to do unless I`m naked
What I lack in good decisions, I make up for in inappropriate behavior.
I hate when homesless people shake their cup of coins at me. It`s like yeah I know you have more money than me, no need to rub it in.
Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, If you do find one, what`s your plan? ;)
The one thing you can always count on is your fingers.
You had me at 0 mutual friends