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Turkish ruler Erdogan was at the White House this week. Sources say he arrived very early so he could beat the crowd.
It`s a good thing farting isn`t as contagious as yawning.
How to tell if a woman is mad at you: 1.She`s quiet 2.She`s yelling 3.She acts the same 4.She acts different 5.She murdered you
DRINK BEER SAVE WATER..www.godrunk.com
Of course morning sex is better. You haven`t spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.
The woman in the Superman underwear next to me does not quite understand how white pants work.
I just spent an hour at the gym. I couldn’t find a close enough parking spot so I left.
I can read your mind, your thinking about sex right now, no wait, wait.. that`s my mind, sorry, I can read my mind. . .
Mcdonalds Drive thru: Do you want a girl toy or a boy toy? Me: You have those here?!
What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi.
Every time I`m not with my kid and someone asks me "Where`s the baby?" I just yell "Oh crap!" and run in the direction I came from.
I use these ( ... ) a lot. For which, I believe, the technical term is Dotty Dot Dots.
Setting an alarm is how we ruin days that haven`t even started yet.
Now that 1 in every 3 people cheats in their relationships,I`m left wondering. . .Is it my wife or my girlfriend that`s cheating?
I don`t like morning people ... Or mornings ... Or people.