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That mini heart attack you get when the parked car next to you moves and you think you’re moving.
I am currently watching the Holy Grail of horror movies. There are 10 minutes left and the black guy is still alive.
Is a rivalry between two vegetarians still called a beef?
When I’m getting off a crowded elevator I like to turn & look at someone who’s staying on and say,, “You’re in charge while I’m gone.”
No pants are the best pants.
Success is 1% inspiration, 98% perspiration and 2% attention to detail.
Today`s Generation: "Omg my parents never let me have anything." via iPhone
Whenever you`re feeling really bad about yourself just remember, there`s people that pay money to exercise.
After 6 years, is it still all Bush`s fault or has it been reduced to "Unfortunate circumstances under no one`s control"?..............
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box for me to start a campfire?
Saying "think outside the box" is a pretty inside the box suggestion.
Did a 5k today. Except it was how many calories I had at lunch.
Guys be like, "Lets play 21 question." Girl: Ok, what`s your favorite color? Boy: Triangle, so you a virgin?
I have good taste, I just don`t have the money to prove it.
The best part about growing old with you is that I`ll always be the younger one.