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Texting "Good Morning, Beautiful" will change a girl`s whole day. If you time it right, it will do the same for her boyfriend.
I bring my kids to a romantic restaurant on Valentine`s day as a birth control reminder to the other couples.
I wish I would of asked if she believed in sex after marriage
Rawwrrr means I love you in dinosaur. Everyone knows that, silly
This would be a "Good Morning!" status update, but it`s not, because morning sucks.
Only in America: We have a holiday devoted to gratitude & then less than 12 hrs later beat the sh!t out of each other for a $10 crockpot.
I hate wasting alcohol on social occasions.
It’s all fun and games until they reply to your text with a phone call.
These old people at the bus stop really suck at paintball.
Life would be so much more interesting if we all had cartoon bubbles over our heads.
Is it the S or the C that`s silent in scent?
Listening to the voices in my head, I’ve concluded that they’re having more fun than me.
Whenever I`m feeling down... I try to make sure my nails are clipped.
If they were really trying to prepare high school kids for “real life” they would offer a class called “working with a$$holes”
A 15 year old took gold in the Olympics and then there is me whose greatest accomplishment is getting up to 10 on flappy bird.