Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m not Unemployed, I`m just taking my next job`s vacation in advance...
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough.
I slammed the car door on my fingers this afternoon. In related news, there`s an 83% chance that my nephew just added "Mother*ucker" to his vocabulary.
One day my fridge will take revenge on me by opening my bedroom door every half hour, staring at me for a few minutes and then leave.
Damn…I’m having an out of money experience.
Weekends are like a orgasm.. It`s takes a lot to get there and when u finally do it`s over in no time
Until today, I thought American Horror Story was a book about marriage.
Save water. Shower with me. ;)
I wonder how many identical twins are walking around now with the wrong names because their parents got them confused as infants and never figured it out.
Do you think Santa regrets giving all those bad kids coal now that global warming is threatening his home?
I haven`t lost all of my marbles but there is definitely a hole in the bag.
Are there actually people who get out of the shower to pee? I want to meet them.
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Nothing bad has happened, but I’m trying to be proactive.
50 years ago you had to get really f*cking drunk to drop your phone in a urinal.
100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses. The stables have turned.