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The other day someone told me I could make ice cubes out of leftover wine. I was confused... What is leftover wine?
Contrary to popular belief, it`s actually the fat that makes you look fat. It was never the dress
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild
You`re never too old to learn something stupid.
It`s not working. I`ve napped every day this week at work and not a single raise or promotion. Sleeping my way to the top was a stupid idea.
Here`s a list of helpful tips for meeting a great girl: 1. Don`t be me.
"Size DOES matter", I whisper to my double stuffed Oreos.
To those of you who received a book from me as a Christmas present: just to let you know that they are due back at the library tomorrow.
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering every question!!!
The Australian kiss is just like the French kiss but down under.
If you need me I`ll always be stuck behind the person who doesn`t know how to use the CVS self-checkout aisle.
Did you know? If you were to watch all of the Saw films, it would take you 666 minutes?
The grass is always greener where the bodies are buried.
Nothing is impossible.. Never Give Up.. I know a guy that once actually guessed correctly why his girlfriend was mad at him.. :|
Trail Mix: M&Ms with obstacles