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Super Bowl Sunday, the one day of the year that DVR`s are used to watch commercials, instead of skip them!
I order all my food with extra gluten.
My son asked what it is like to be married, so I deleted all the music on his ipod except 1 song.
This status is dedicated to whatever you’re ignoring in real life to read it.
I just did a bunch of crunches and curls. There were Nestle Crunches and cheese curls, but still. I`m exhausted.
If Violets were Orange, poetry would be a lot more challenging.
The most frustrating thing I`ve ever tried to do was throw away a trash can.
received a call saying that my son had been lying in school, and was being expelled. I don´t have a son. That kid is one damn good liar.
If you wake up with a funny taste in your mouth on christmas morning...............just remember that santa only cums once a year. :D
Now accepting friends that live on a lake and have a boat and/or jet skis
Work is one long game of back and forth emails with cleverly disguised f*ck you`s.
She lost me at, "I don`t watch football."
Sometimes.. late at night... I fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend I am a meatball.
Fart when people hug you. It makes them feel strong.
The only thing I can fix in this world tonight is another drink.