Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
“Over my dead body” doesn’t mean “no.” It means I get to do what I want and as a bonus I get to kill you.
I`m not shy. I`m just being quiet because I know that if I open my mouth to speak, a flow of never- ceasing, insulting comment directed at you will immediately spew from within me.
I`m not the type of person you should put on speaker phone
Deja poo. The feeling that you`ve heard this sh!t before.
My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party, so I invited All of her Friends over and made them clean the house.
Most of my thoughts have been coming from a very dark place lately. That`s what happens when you forget to pay your electric bill
"I`m tired of you pushing me around and talking behind my back." ----people in wheelchairs probably
scratch here ¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦ to reveal my status
The 21st century: When deleting history is more important than making it.
They should make Vodka ChapStick
I’m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team.
OK. So I took the road less traveled. Now where the hell am I?
I accidentally did yoga once when I couldn`t reach the toilet paper.
Insanity workout? The fact I am even considering putting down my phone and getting off the couch is crazy enough, thanks.
When I say "Have a nice day." Remember the f*cker on the end is silent.