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It`s really quite simple ... I do what I want! ... The End.
There is no better indication of how drunk you are than how loudly you declare that you`re not.
Some people should be ticketed for wearing spandex
I have the rest of my life to be an adult.
I spent 2 hours cleaning this kitchen. Mess it up and I will cut you! ... Love MOM
I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
Don`t sugar-coat it, I`ll just lick that off....
Thanksgiving advice: Sit at the kids table for as many years as possible.
I just googled "Is there really cowbell in the actual song Don`t Fear the Reaper?" and my first response was, "Go outside and do something."
I bet giraffes don`t even know what farts smell like.
I was filling out this form when one of the questions asked "What level is your maturity?" I didn`t fill it out cause I couldn`t find my crayons!!
Seen it all, done it all, can´t remember most of it.
Work is one long game of back and forth emails with cleverly disguised f*ck you`s.
I hate to rub it in, but lotion doesn`t really work otherwise.
I wake up everyday planning to be productive. Then a voice in my head says, " hahaa, good one!" Then we laugh and laugh and take a nap.