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Why don`t we ever hear anyone bragging about their Allstate safe driving bonus checks?
Whoever figured out the `days of the month correspond with your knuckles` thing had too much time on their hands
I’m going to start responding to videos people post of their babies on Facebook with videos of me getting nine hours of sleep.
If you really think about it, "Nightlife" is just a fancy word for drinking alcohol at a place that isn`t your house.
Guy tip of the day: To avoid arguments about the toilet seat, use the sink...
My new year`s resolution is to stop making new year`s resolutions.
Picture a scavenger hunt where the only items on the list are "your house keys" and "your house." Well, son, that`s what drinking is like.
The best way to change a woman`s mind is to agree with her.
Why go to a public pool when strangers on Craigslist will pee on you for free
My wife says I`m a clueless idiot. I didn`t even know I had a wife.
It`s a bird.. it`s a plane..no wait..it`s a blade of grass....
you know you have a kid personality when you think step brothers is the greatest movie ever.
If you think about it, before the first mirror was invented, if you didn’t live near a body of water, you had no idea what you looked like.
I`m thinking about remodeling my bathroom and thanks to all your selfies I`m getting some great ideas!!.....
I’ve thought about running away as an adult way more than I did as a child.