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I`m pretty sure if I put what was actually on my mind as my Facebook status, all my friends would delete me.
I like to sit outside on campus at night in my 1940s clothes and when people say things to me, I say "You can see me?"
One of these days I`m going to get help for my procrastination problem.
Always remember to speak clearly when complimenting a woman`s boots...
I often wondered what it`d be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while...
The truth is, I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks that I`m the only one that can prevent forest fires. I don`t feel trained for this, and I certainly didn`t sign up for the position.
Judging from the bar receipts, ATM withdraws, hand stamps, and the glitter in my car, I now realize I`m a ball of fun when I black out.
Abaaabbbbaaabbbaabbbaabb..... Long time no ` C ` ; P
University; It`s like being unemployed, but your parents are proud of you.
I`m sorry, all I hear is your perfume
I have a dream that one day I won`t have to work on MLK Day.
Want someone to stop texting you? Sleep with them.
I`m always right. And when I`m not, I edit Wikipedia.
We’ll be friends until we’re old and senile. Then we’ll be new friends all over again.
Gravity didn`t seem this strong twenty-five years ago.