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If sex is said to be the best exercise, than why are there no fitness clubs for that. Now there`s idea. . .
"This place needs to be sticky, wall to wall." - Every 2 year old with a Popsicle.
I have done some truly amazing things to get the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube.
Here`s a list of helpful tips for meeting a great girl: 1. Don`t be me.
Next time a skinny bitch calls herself fat… I’m gonna agree with her.
I refuse to jump on the `I hate Mondays` bandwagon. I hate all workdays equally
I’m not brave. I’m just past the age where running is an option.
Damn you auto correct mind your business.
I need to get out of bed and do something so I can justify taking a nap later.
Looking forward to `Breaking Bad` merchandise. Especially the cook book.
ever notice that on a phone the word "mom" is 666?
I don`t need drugs to have a good time, I need them to focus, avoid depression, endure winter, fall asleep, and controll my high blood pressure
Some people are just beautifully wrapped boxes of crap.
I like to skip when I`m carrying my flamethrower cause no one ever suspects a skipping girl of starting fires.
My sex life is just like my typing skills. One handed.