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I don`t know which is worse... waiting for someone to get out of the bathroom so you can use it or hearing them say "come in" when you knock on the bathroom door...
When you`re trying to change the channel on the tv, and the remote starts ringing, you`re probably drunk.
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough.
When life gets you down, just remember: It’s never too early or too late for a nap.
I`m starting group meetings at my house for people who have OCD, not because I have it, but surely one of them will be bothered enough to clean it.
keep scrolling… it gets better lol
So another day has come and gone and I still haven`t used algebra
Tomorrow is Valentines day, a holiday that comes along once a year to remind you that if you don`t have a special someone...I guess your alone.
Don`t put off for tomorrow what you can do today, because if you enjoy it today you can do it again tomorrow.
Shout out to the post office for delivering my recycling to me every day.
Screw you recommended serving size. You don’t know me.
Tried to text "playa" but it changed it to "player" I must have the white iPhone.
My box of animal crackers says "May contain nuts." So I`m inspecting each animal before I eat it...just in case.
99 Days Facebook Free? Big deal! In 1999 I went a whole year without Facebook.
I’m going to rename my wifi network to “Surveillance Van #02?. That should keep the neighbors on their toes for a while.