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I think the next Star Wars movie should go Country! I would be excited to see Garth Vader.........
The trick is to not let people know how weird you really are until its too late for em to back out
Saying “do I smell popcorn ” right after you fart, so everyone takes in a deep breath.
I fart because it`s the only gas I can afford.
The art of taking a self pic fast enough that no one sees you. The Stealthfie.
The only time I hit the panic button on my car keys is accidentally, and the only person who panics is me.
Actually according to chemists, alcohol IS a solution…
Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always write: `last warning, you have a week to get the money together.`
Velcro, what a rip-off!
I try to live each day like it`s my last, which is why I rarely have clean socks. Who wants to wash socks on the last day of their life?
Guys, if she says she`s crazy, she`s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
The Swiss must’ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
We can land a rover on an asteroid, but they can`t make a can of shaving cream that doesn`t spill 1/10th of it`s contents after every use.
What if firemen acted like policemen and just drove around shooting water at anyone who looked like they might catch on fire.
Home is where the alcohol is.