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is actually feeling pretty much okay about not accomplishing anything this year.
There`s no easy way to steal a watermelon.
If there`s one thing I`ve learned, it`s that I should have learned some other stuff.
I don`t need a personal trainer as much as I need someone to follow me around and slap unhealthy food out of my hands.
Tip of the day: When the cop asks you if you had anything to drink in the last 24 hours, do NOT ask them for the time... trust me
In grade school it’s called bullying but when you get older it’s referred to as upper level management.
Abaaabbbbaaabbbaabbbaabb..... Long time no ` C ` ; P
If money can`t buy happiness what do you pay a hitman with?
Someone told me once that to have more confidence during sex, put in a live concert album while doing it. That way, you will hear applause every 3-4 minutes but I did it wrong. Accidentally put in a live concert album and all I heard was laughter!
The Four Seasons, by Facebook: Spring: LOOK FLOWERS! Summer: LOOK AT MY DASHBOARD TEMP! Fall: LOOK LEAVES! Winter: MORE DASHBOARD PICS!
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
I do everything faster when I have to pee.
Money isn´t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.
Drank way too much beer last night. Didn`t leave any for this morning.
Elevator music bothers me on so many levels