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Business Plan: 1. Hold sign that says "Free Hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people so where my tolerance level is at.
Boss: "Thanks for the coffee. You know what`d go well with this?" Me: "The antidote?" Boss: "No, a donu...Wait, what?" Me: "Nothing"
I miss being the age when I thought I would have my sh!t together by the age I am now.
Dear person reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
If at first you don`t succeed ... run them over
I feel like dinner parties are secretly competitions about who watches the most news and documentaries
Ebay is really getting worse and worse to use. Yesterday I searched for a cigarette lighter. I got 3,974, 601 matches...
Working in retail has taught me that the customer is always right. At least while they`re in earshot...
Size does matter ... When ordering a pizza
Okay I`m going to workout. Should I post about it now or after I`m done?
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole
Some girls post the most depressing love sh!t that even I`m starting to miss their ex!!!
So apparently, all you can eat buffets do not include the waitresses...
A spider just tried to crawl across my hand and now how do you extract a fork from bone without causing more damage?