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I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If my smartphone was so smart, then why it can`t do my math homework
Life`s tough. It`s tougher if you`re stupid...
A slug is just a divorced snail.
If it doesn’t make you afraid to go to the bathroom the next day, it’s not really hot sauce.
? Taken ? Single ? So sexy that they’re all scared to go out with me.
Bitch, you`re just like monday, nobody likes you -_-
I don`t understand why people want a relationship when there`s pizza.
The guys at Home Depot must take classes to know exactly what I meant by "the little thing next to that one piece with the round thing."
The best thing about the internet is knowledge. You have all this knowledge at your fingertips! And we get to share what we learn with others! Oh...wait a second. I forgot about porn. OK I take it back. PORN is the best thing about the internet!
"Don`t cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse."
I`ve never heard an alarm going off on a car worth stealing.
If Shakespeare is correct and "all the world is a stage" then I seriously would like to be in control of that trap door.
roses are red violets are blue da shit in my back yard looks jus like you
I`m glad I don`t work in an office. I can only imagine the smell at lunch time when everybody opens their egg salad sandwiches today.