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I want the job where you push scared skydivers off the plane.
Perfect relationships exist in thoughts, movies, and Facebook timelines.
If you believe in reincarnation then your tombstone should say “b.r.b” instead of “r.i.p”.
This "doing nothing" is hard work, how am I supposed to know when I`m done?
I would of never even thought of touching half the things that I`ve touched, if it weren`t for the "Do not touch" signs!
How can it be considered stealing when the WiFi signal is trespassing in my house?
They say you need about 2000 calories a day. Ok, time to do math. 65 calories in one fluid ounce of Jack Daniel`s means i need 30 shots tonight.
Jesus said to love your neighbour like you love yourself. Thats a nice saying but if Martin from next door thinks he`s getting a handjob he can f*ck off!
I just want to be perfect... Nah just kidding, I love being weird
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a medication bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness".
Some moments you remember all your life. Reading this, unfortunately, is not one of those moments.
I´m not cheap, but I am on special this weekend. ;)
I find myself highly addicted to books as of late. Once I start coloring the first few pages I can`t stop....
If anyone knows Phillip tell him I have a bunch of his screwdrivers.
when i die i want to be thrown out of an airplane with a superman costume