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Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different than mine.
Sometimes you run into people who change your life forever ... Bartenders, they are called bartenders.
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia and you`ll see a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
Why do they waste so much money on all the checkout lanes at Walmart, when they only have two of them open at any given time.
I`m ashamed of what I did for a Klondike bar.
Easy way to kill me: Dangle a spider from my rearview mirror while I`m driving.
I f*cking hate you. Hope that clears things up.
Whoever invented self checkout greatly overestimated the general intelligence of the human race.
30+ and single? There`s an app for that. Wait. My mistake. A cat for that.
The longest yard for me is that space between me and the nacho dip
I`m laying on my yoga mat making up fake poses to fit my current activity level. Right now I`m in "downward facing chalk outline".
If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize. I honestly didn’t think you could read.
I’ve found that the things I’m most interested in aren’t really in my best interest.
Daylight Saving Time rocks. It even makes laziness sound impressive. I did nothing for 24 hours? Not today. I did nothing for 25 hours!
The new iPhone will have a finger print scanner. Or, in other words, Apple is about to amass the largest database of biometric data in the world. I’m sure the people of NSA are dancing like little school girls right now.