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Lady at my gym is pedaling a stationary bike while eating chips right out of the bag. I`m hiring her as my personal trainer.
Facebook. Where people can express thoughts that otherwise might get them fired, divorced, thrown in a loony bin or all three.
So much for the saying, 3rd times a charm, I just checked my Mega Millions ticket for the 3rd time, and still nothing.
Dear grumpy people: donuts are only $.99
I`m already going to hell ... now I`m just trying to get a good spot.
How did Mexico keep enough people from crossing the border to field a full soccer team?
Did you know: Your life expectancy decreases every time you ... PISS ME OFF
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I`m slowly getting over it.
I really like ceilings,.. I guess you could call me a ceiling fan.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
Relationship Status: Very relieved socks can`t get pregnant.
Crazy to think back before camera phones we all used to sit in front of bathroom mirrors with sketch pads.
One problem with auto-correct is that you always end up posting some thong you didn`t Nintendo.
Common sense has become so rare it should be classified as a superpower.
My reaction to stepping in dog sh!t is identical to me logging onto Facebook