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I`ve been starting my diet tomorrow for the last 20 years.
Yeah but why do they call him Bigfoot if both of his feet are the exact same size
For your anniversary, if your wife asks for something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds...don`t get her a bathroom scale. Just sayin"
Marriage: an expensive way to get your laundry done for free..
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what`s going on and there`s a lot of wine drinking.
I want to follow my dream, but i dont want to look like a stalker
I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon ....I think I`m gonna be pretty good at it.
I have hit the age where sex and choosing the exact right size Tupperware for leftovers are equally satisfying...
It never ceases to amaze me that the little space between the driver’s seat and the center console in my car will fit any object that can possibly be dropped, but will not fit a hand.
Sorry I made fun of your erectile dysfunction, I hope there’s no hard feelings.
Just saw the previews for the movie Taken 3, you would think by now he would`ve gave his daughter self-defense and gun lessons?
If you`re going to stalk me at least notice when I`m running low on toilet paper & change the roll.
Oh really? It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown? How many muscles does it take to mind your own business
New Study: Long-term beer drinking can lead to depression, also known as "running out of beer."
Showed the kids here how to eat corn-on-the-cob typewriter style........ Now explaining typewriter.