Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why don’t television shows say, “You will be delighted to know that this program contains strong sexual content?”
I`ve been building my own particle accelerator. Plan to create a boson particle. Explore the mysteries.....you know what? This is a lot of work. Think I`m just going to have a beer and play Call of Duty.
I walked into a bar in my pirate suit and a ships wheel in my pants.... The bartender asked... "Why do you have a wheel in your pants"? I replied "Argh.. it`s driving me nuts".
A cool thing about being in a relationship is that when you make a mistake you get to hear about it over and over.
I hate that feeling when you feel you wrote something good on facebook and then nobody likes your status. Depressing... :(
Just changed my wireless network name in my apartment to "I can hear you having sex through the ceiling and it sounds mediocre."
If it defies all logic, and makes very little sense then it was probably my idea...
If you ever get caught sleeping during work, just slowly raise your hand and say "In Jesus name I pray, Amen."
Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a clown ninja.
I need to get out of bed and do something so I can justify taking a nap later.
I am a very very very bad influence ... In a good way.
Tattoos are an expensive and painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification.
I like to refer to myself as a "Second-hand Vegetarian". Animals eat grass. I eat animals.
According to the police, public masturbation is not considered a "street performance". Even if you have a hat on the ground on front of you.
Health care in this country is a disgrace. My doctor said run 3 miles a day for a month. I`m now completely lost & 90 miles away from home.