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Never trust a person with only one Facebook photo of themselves.
I always hate when I miss out on wear your pajamas to Wal-Mart night.
If I had a nickel for everytime I told myself I`d quit smoking, I could buy a lot more cigarettes
Fun thing to do: Go to a parking lot and put sticky notes on peoples cars saying "sorry for the damage" and watch them look for it
Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body!
Someone said to me earlier, "Your face looks very familiar". I said, "I know, I`ve had it a long time."
LIKE IF you… walk into a room, forget what you need, walk out, and then remember.
I always tell my kids that it`s ok to make mistakes as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.
DID YOU KNOW: If every person on the planet lined up along the Earth`s equator, most of them would drown.
You can`t be ugly and play hard to get. It just doesn`t work that way...your already hard to want
50 Shades of Laze - My weekend plans
If by cat person you mean I like to sleep all day and poo in sand then yes I am a cat person.
I may not be the only egomaniac around here, but I’m the only one that matters.
I party like a rockstar. A very poor rockstar who isn`t in a band.
I spend my weekends farting in libraries and then shushing people that complain.