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Why are people sad when potatoes can be cooked in like 200 ways?
Condom slogan: Wrap it in latex or she`ll get your paychecks.
Who else`s favorite Spring time game is "Guess how deep that pothole really is."
My sex tape would just be called Home Alone.
If you`re one in a million, there are more than 7,000 of you.
I scream, You scream, We all scream, Because grandpa forgot his hearing aids again.
Psycho and socio have always been my favorite paths.
Personality is 40% genetics, 40% upbringing, and 20% the last movie you watched.
Sometimes I go on Google Earth and just spin the sh!t out of the world & pretend I`m making everyone really dizzy.
If your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes.
I`m so deep in the friendzone that I`ve met her boyfriends parents
You`re right, you didn`t ask that guy for a d!ck pic, but nobody asked for hundreds of pictures of your face either.
When the coffee stops working it is probably the right time to start drinking.
"Don`t let a hot date turn into a due date."--my father`s actual sex talk with me when I was 13.
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap a better status than yours!